I'm going to attend my friend's wedding in a few months time. I was told I was included in the entourage. I had mixed emotions when I received that news. Of course, I am genuinely happy for her and I wish her a blissful married life ahead. But with that announcement, I feel sad inside also and a bit anxious at the same time.
Wedding always make me think on what-would-have-been and what-ifs in my life. Regrets. Promises. Resolutions to make it better next time but would still fail in the end. Others would say, 'Judith, just be patient. He will come in God's time.' Oh, how I wish God's time would come sooner than my birthdays. I'm not getting any younger.
When I'm still on my early teens, my dreamy eyes would light up whenever I watched a bride, in person or on TV, walking along the aisle. Then I would silently announced that someday it's me who will walk down the aisle wearing that pretty white wedding gown with a man on my side beaming a toothy smile and staring at me as if he can't take his eyes off me.
I gained hands-on experiences on wedding every time one of my cousins or friends would get marry their knight in shining armor. I have learned the frivolous wedding preparations to make, the lavish cost it entails, the trivial decisions on oh-so-many small stuffs yet they claimed were all equally important. From the dress everyone in the wedding will wear, to the food before, during and after the wedding, up to the controversial honeymoon itinerary.
I'm always a maid-of-honor during my cousins' and friends' wedding (except on this incoming wedding of a friend to which I'm one of the bridesmaids). Even during the wedding ceremonies, I'm still attending to some small stuffs, from the pinning of sponosors' corsage, to church choir, up to pictorial protocol with the wedding couple.
Despite all those quirky and costly wedding preparations, I still dream of being a bride. Walking down the asile, wearing a pretty white wedding gown with a man on my side, beaming a toothy smile and staring at me as if he can't get his eyes off me.
Sigh.
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